


Conversations in the dark.

by bigbrain_nothoughts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Other, Romance, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:09:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27463966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigbrain_nothoughts/pseuds/bigbrain_nothoughts
Summary: oikawa struggles with the loss of the inter-high tournament.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63
Collections: Haikyuu





	Conversations in the dark.

**Author's Note:**

> this piece is pretty important to me. i think everyone processes and grieves differently, but it's even harder when you shut people out in fear that they'll leave you once you show your true colors to them. my personal take on oikawa is that he's the type to grieve alone to spare others from seeing him at his lowest. 
> 
> anyways, oikawa deserves the world 🥺🌎

It’s been three days since Aoba Johsai’s loss against Karasuno in the inter-high tournament. It’s also been three days since you’ve last seen your boyfriend, Oikawa.

You still remembered the team’s vacant stare when the final whistle echoed in the small gymnasium. Your eyes widened at the referee’s hand signaling the winning match point to Karasuno. 

There were expressions of regrets, what ifs, and anger etched across their faces. Their heads hung low, masking the disbelief and shame of the loss. You knew how much this tournament meant to them — how much it meant to him. 

Of all people, you knew Oikawa was going through his own set of internal battles. He refused to glance at the direction you stood, afraid to catch anymore looks of disappointment. 

After the team’s bow out, you made a beeline to him. Time felt like it was moving at a snail’s pace with how slow the crowds were dispersing from the stands. You heard murmurs of ‘Ah, if only he did this’ or ‘So much for going to the National Spring Tournament — was too good to be true’. A frown slowly crept on your face as the side comments kept coming, but there were bigger things to worry about. 

You had to see him. You wanted to engulf him in a reassuring hug. You wanted to tell him how well he did and how proud you were despite the outcomes. You wanted to be with him. 

But your thoughts were soon interrupted by a ping from your cellphone. 

_[Tooru Oikawa, Today - 16:23] Need space. Sorry._

This would’ve hurt you in the beginning of the relationship as you thought his distancing after a loss meant that you weren’t good enough to comfort him. But you’ve come to realize that this was his way of processing and coping. Was it healthy? Probably not.

Regardless, you agreed to give him the space he needed. It was the least you could do for him. 

And so three days passed without hearing a word from him. Your daily texts go unread and ignored. During breaks at school, you walked past his classroom occasionally only to find his seat empty. Iwaizumi eventually caught on and spared you the trips by resorting to shaking his head as a way to let you know he wasn’t there. 

—

Oikawa’s mother adored and treated you like family. She often reminded Oikawa how much she liked you and that she would raise hell if he hurt you. Oikawa would huff and wrap his arms around you, dramatically declaring that he would never do such a heinous act. Though said in a joking manner, it wasn’t hard to believe with the way he stared at you in private like you were the stars that hung above the night sky. 

So when you received phone calls from Oikawa’s mother after the tournament, you were less than taken aback. If anything, these phone calls were your only way of checking in with how he was doing. On every call, she reassured that he’s managing, but still hasn’t come out of his room since that day. 

On this particular call, she asked if you would be willing to come over to check on him as she and her husband had to travel for work this weekend. You agreed immediately. Though even without the invitation, you had already set your mind to paying him a much needed visit.

—

You got into the Oikawa household with the spare they left you underneath the welcome doormat. Aside from the noise coming from the fish tank’s filter, the house was eerily quiet. It made you clutch onto the bag of milkbread as you shut the door. 

“Oikawa, it’s me, y/n,” you announced, hoping that you’d hear a reply back. 

Nothing. 

You made your way up to his bedroom and lightly noted the family pictures displayed on the walls. 

Your all-time favorite was of Oikawa dressed as an alien on his 7th birthday. When you came over for the first time and pointed out the picture, he became extremely flustered and yelled downstairs to his mother about changing it to a better one. 

_You laughed, “Keep it, your cuteness is outta this planet.”_

_He scoffed at your lame attempt to joke, but hid a small smile when he realized that you thought he was cute._

You knocked softly at his door, afraid that the sudden noise might startle him. Though, the text you sent him last night and this morning telling him that you’d be over should’ve been enough of an advanced notice.

“Oikawa,” you knocked again slightly louder, “I’m coming in.” 

The bright hallway you stood in cast a slit of light into his dark room. Blackout curtains made it hard for you to see clearly, but you easily spotted your boyfriend’s curled figure in bed. 

“Wanna be alone.” 

He heard the click of the door and shut his eyes, thinking you resolved to leaving him in his current state. It’s what he thought he deserved. Instead, his ears perked at the sound of a paper bag placed on his nightstand and the dip of his mattress as you slipped under the covers with him. 

You buried your face in the crook of his shoulder blades, lightly inhaling his scent. His core tightened at the way your arms looped around his torso, hands hesitant to place too much pressure on his stomach. Oikawa didn’t realize how much he needed your touch till now. 

“I missed you.” 

You meant it. 

In all honesty, the distancing never got easier no matter how hard you convinced yourself that this wasn’t about you. But it was whiplash. It was whiplash to experience being shut out by him when the relationship was mainly built on his otherwise consistent love and affection. He knows this too, but can’t help how he grieves and the way it hurts those around him. 

Oikawa turned and trapped you into a hard embrace. One of his arms wrapped around your shoulders while the other moved to the small of your back. You closed your eyes and melted into his touch. 

An hour passed by, but you both remained in the same spot, feeling the rise of each other’s chest and soft sighs. There was something unspoken about the way he held you, as if this was his way of apologizing for his inability to do the right thing or be the person he strived so hard to be. But to you, he was perfection.

“I want to see your face, is it okay if we let some light in?” You leaned in, nose and lips pressed against the hollows of his neck. 

He didn’t reply back immediately, instead opting to hold your body closer to his. There was a sense of solace in how the darkness veiled his insecurities — the thought of showing you anything less than his usual confident self made him anxious. But the feeling of comfort swept through him when he felt your hands rub gentle circles on his stiff back.

“I want to see you too,” he breathed before releasing his tight hold on you. 

You made your way to part the blackout curtains, letting light touch the walls of his room for the first time in days. Oikawa sat up and grimaced at the sudden change of lighting. You sat in between his propped up knees and finally had the chance to take a good look at him. His face was pale and eyes were slightly bloodshot. Oikawa’s unruly brown hair was more displaced than usual, but you found that charming. You gave him a small smile before reaching to pat down his bedhead. 

Oikawa was usually one to speak up first, but he found himself at a loss for words, embarrassed that you had to see him like this. It was of no concern to you, of course. 

“You did well.” 

You took his hands, calloused from the hours of practicing and perfecting his serves. He watched as you lifted them to your face, nearly crumbling at the touch of your soft lips on his knuckles. A shaky breath escaped from Oikawa’s lips when he felt your hand graze on top of his bad knee. You remembered how he pushed through the last set against Karasuno — probably not registering the pain till after the match. A single tear drop fell upon the top of your hand and you looked up to find Oikawa’s pained expression.

“I’m so proud of you.” 

Oikawa bit down his lips as his tears fell freely down his face. He’s heard this a lot from others in the past, but never allowed himself to fully believe it. Yet, it felt so raw and genuine coming from you. 

Bringing yourself closer to him, you trailed kisses from his forehead down to his tear-stained cheeks. Soft murmurs of ‘I love you’ and ‘It’s okay’ left your lips every time a sob broke out from him. 

Once his breathing steadied, you kneeled back onto your heels to wipe away any stray tears. He palmed at his eyes and cheeks, finally willing the courage to look up at you but was overcome with a different set of emotions. 

“You’re too good for me,” he whispered. 

Like the doubts he had with his abilities in volleyball, the thoughts of not being good enough for you also swarmed through his head. He found himself questioning what could he possibly have to offer you. By the way his brows furrowed, you knew he was thinking about how you could easily be with another person — maybe someone far better looking or with less baggage. 

“I’m too much of a mess,” he confessed. 

“Hey.”

You moved your body closer to his, legs straddling on both sides of his waist, and chests pushed against each other. Naturally, his arms circled around you. Your hands cupped at his face, forcing him to look up at you. The look you gave him dismantled all those thoughts: It’s not true. He was wanted.

He leaned in, placing an innocent, chaste kiss on your lips. Your arms rested casually on his broad shoulders, eyes fluttering shut as you relaxed into his touches. You savored the tender moment before he pressed another kiss. This one was different from the first — it was more intense and purposeful — almost searing. It was the kind that made you feel like you were floating. He made you feel like you were floating.

You both broke apart breathless, glossy eyes lost in a slight trance with one another. He touched his forehead against yours and finally smiled — a wordless but endearing thank you. 

****

“You are enough.”


End file.
